Question: Who’s happier, the overdriven, AP-inundated American high school student, or the Dayak teenager from Borneo who throws rocks at his own head during initiation rites?

A) Where is he applying?
B) I heard rock throwing is unweighted
C) Ask me after November 1st
D) What’s wrong with throwing rocks at yourself?

If you answered A, then you need to chill out about the application process because you’re a wee bit paranoid about your competition. If you answered B, then check with your guidance counselor because chances are rock throwing is not offered as a course. If you answered C, then you’re probably locked in your room right now calculating how many more points you need to raise your SAT score to get in early decision. If you answered D, then your parents should take you in for psychological testing.